Ruined
by MarissaRose
Summary: She didn't have the will to do anything about it, nor did she feel the need to. She was going to be unhappy for the rest of her life now, if she had the strengh to get out of it, or not. She would just have to undure it. Easier said than done, Marissa.


**A/N- Something very scary happened to me this morning; I thought about the future. I was so scared, I had to come and write this little oneshot to get my mind off it. Sorry if it's too short...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Ruined.**

Marissa Cooper, or wait, soon to be Marissa Hollyberry, felt trapped. Lost, and forgotten about. She was about to marry Evan Hollyberry, and she knew she should be nothing but greatful and happy. That was certainly not the case though. If you asked her, she maybe couldn't tell you a positive answer. Possibly she knew she had no one else to save her from the abuse she was receiving from Evan, or maybe it was because she didn't want to hurt his feelings, or even break his heart. But what she thought it was, was that she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She didn't care if he withered in pain, or continuously stocked her until something happened. All she knew, was that she didn't have the strengh to do anything about doing anything about it anymore. She didn't have the will to do anything about it, nor did she feel the need to. She was going to be unhappy for the rest of her life now, wither she had the strengh to get out of it, or not. She would just have to undure it. Easier said than done, Marissa.

In high school, she had been a fairly happy person. She wasn't one to jump for joy everyday, but enough to get her through school without people thinking she needed help. She had wonderful friends, and... well, the love of her life. i name isn't important, or anything like that, just about her when she was with him, and what she felt. She was about as happy as a pig rolling around in dirt, when she was with him. He always made her feel safe, and warm inside. Never once with him had she felt unwanted, like she did with Evan. Never. It was just something he didn't do to her. He showed her off by his side to everyone. No matter if it was his buddies, or family. She was never someone to hide to him. He would have put his life out on the line for hers, which he had done a few times. He never called her sexy, or hot... he called her beautiful. She felt beautiful when she was around him, and he always made sure she knew it. Even when she was having a bad day, and yelled at him to go away, he always seemed to hold her tighter on those days. When she wanted to be left alone, he did just that, but he still worried. When he spoke to her, he always made it fun and upbeat, she never got bored. When they had first been together, he made it gentle, and remember able, yet with passion and lust. When he kissed her, she felt butterfly's flying beneath her stomach walls, and her knees went weak. When he touched her, she felt a trail of sparks, and a tingling where he had touched her. When she looked into those eyes of his, she seen his emotions play within them, and she could get lost in them. When she held that had of his, she never felt like letting go. When they would lay down beside each other, she could never be the first one to make a move to get up. When she would spend the night with him, and than woke up the next morning in his arms, she couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to wake like this every morning for the rest of her life. When she dreamt about them, she could almost feel her own baby bump, with his child. Sometimes when she looked at the engagement ring Evan had gave her, she imagined it being his. When she closed her eyes and thought about her up coming wedding, she would always see him standing there waiting while she was making her way down the isle. That was all the perfect life, that was what she had wanted... but sometimes what you want, isn't what you get.

Evan was a great person... he really was; or so she tried to convince herself. He was abusive, but she brought that upon herself. He needed her a lot, and she didn't try to stop him. She met him when she moved away from the God forsaken place of Newport, where her love was. She met him on her fathers boat, in Grease. She planned to move back to Newport, until she had heard about the accident. She wouldn't dare step foot into that town again, after that. It had brought too many unwanted memories back, that she so dearly wanted to forget. She had just left, and never got to say an official goodbye. She never thought she would have to. She was going to see him the following year, so why say goodbye for final, when it wasn't even going to be final? I guess because you never really know when life can take someone. When the person came up with the saying "Live your life like it was your last day", they had really meant it.

--

Marissa was making her wedding invitations. She was on her laptop at her apartment where she lived with Evan. The invitations where her idea, so it was her job to get them done. Actually... it was her job to get the whole thing organized. She didn't mind it though... it was always something to keep her busy and keep her mind from wondering. The invitations where a piece of paper folded into a card like form. On the front it said "You're invited to a wedding", and when you opened it, it said "Wedding of Marissa Cooper, daughter of Jimmy and Julie Cooper, and Evan Hollyberry, son of Lloyd and Verena Hollyberry. On the back it said, "We hope you can attend." She was about to press print, when she decided to foll around with it. Fooling around was not something she was used to anymore, but she wanted to just look at the invitation with his name on it to see if she liked it better. She backspaced Evans name, and parent's names, and wrote his in. She looked at it, over and over again, and decided she liked it much better. Now, she couldn't be sure why she did it, or even what processed her to, but she hit the print button, and the printer menu flashed onto her screen. She clicked in one copy, and pressed print. It printed on a piece of paper, that was decorated in black, white and blue... his favorite colors. She had chosen them for her colors of the wedding. Nobody knew that it was his favorite colors, besides a few from Newport... so it didn't matter anyway. She carefully tucked it away, somewhere that she knew Evan would never go close to, and went back to the computer, and put Evan's name in place of his again. She desperately wished that she wouldn't have to change it, but she did, and she knew it would just have to stay that way. She let a sigh escape her lips, and printed another two hundred and seventy invitations with Evan's name on them.

--

The next day, Evan was no where to be found. She liked to convince herself that he wasn't with another woman, or man... but she always knew different. She would be joking herself if she said that she was one hundred percent Evan was only with her. It was never like that with him. Sure, they had a few encounters with other people, but it was never major. She counted her lucky stars that Evan was out, and put on one of his many black jackets. After he had passed, she had found her closet losing the personal touch of color and style. Now it consisted of black, white, and blue. His favorite colors. In the very back of her closet, you could find just about every wife beater, pull over shirts, pants, and sweater that he had owned. The family had given them to her after he was gone. Every day, she wore a wife beater under her shirts, that was once his. And when she wore something that couldn't be worn with a wife beater, she wore one of his old sweater. Wearing his clothes made her feel connected to him, and she couldn't even bare to think that they weren't. Where in truth, she was about to give away everything to someone she didn't want. Life really was hard sometimes.

She made her way out the door, but before she could, she slipped a piece of printed paper into her jacket pocket. She made her way to the garden shed, and looked around for a few minutes. The grandener had left a small hand shovel, and she tucked it away in the back of her jeep. She slipped inside, and started for the long drive ahead of her. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, not so close to her wedding, but she could be there, and back by the time Evan stumbled his way into their apartment. She couldn't understand why, but it was important for her to do this. Very important.

--

Here she was. Facing the only place in the world she had avoided for years upon years. Not once did she return to this dreadful place where her family was. She hadn't planned on it either, but here she was. Even when he was passed he could still do unending things to her.

She slipped out of the car, and proceeded towards the front gate of the place she was yet to visit. He was probably watching her at this very moment, and hating her with every fibre in his body. She was hating herself with every fibre in her body. It had taken her this long just to come here, and even now she was having thoughts about just running back to her jeep and going home. But this was important. She could back out. It's not like she was going to see the real him... even if she would have rathered to. She looked up at the entrance sign. It was friendly enough. "Newport Beach Cemetery". Well... after she looked at it long and hard, she discovered it wasn't even that friendly. She could feel her heart speed up, and her breathes getting quick and jagged. Her throat shut over, and tears were threatening to fall from her perfect blue orbs. And she wasn't even at the site yet... she really was weak.

She was never here before. Not even when it all happened. She had fled the scene like a murder case, and never looked back. Still, she knew exactly where he was. She knew where his final resting place was, and she quickly made her way over to it. She lightly tapped the small hand shovel on her jean clad leg while walking over to the place. She bit her lip until she drew blood. She rusty taste of it reminded her of the accident. It reminded her how much blood there was, how cruel of a death it really was for him, it reminded her about everything he went through to save her that night, and she let a few long needed tears fall. Before she knew it, she was standing no more than a meter away from him. Her lip quivered as she read the imprinted stone.

_"Ryan Atwood._

_1984- 2006_

_Beloved son, brother, and friend."_

Her tears fell even more when she read the other side of the stone. Nobody knew about this. Nobody but her. She had fixed it up to get it put here not long after meeting Evan. She knew it was wrong, she knew she should be placed by her husband, but on the right side of the stone, was imprinted,

_Marissa Cooper._

_1984 - _

_Beloved daughter, sister, and friend."_

She didn't know if anyone else knew. It had been here for sometime now... but she wasn't sure if any family came to visit much. She was imbarresed thinking about one of the Cohens walking over to find his name her as well, when they had all received an invitation that she was getting married. She was getting married, but that didn't mean she was in love. She was only in love once, and she would never be in love again. She wouldn't let herself. One love is all you need, and she would be with him one day again soon.

She slowly made her way over to the stone, and sat facing it, like she was actually talking to him. Some people get freaked out when they come to a grave site... but not her. Not this time at least. There was nothing to be scared of. Ryan wouldn't hurt her even if he could, and she truly believed that. She stroked the stone, as if she was stroking his perfect soft face. She closed her eyes and could almost see his blue eyes. Almost. She bit her lip, and broke down into tears. She looked at her finger and became angered. She took off the perfect looking diamond ring, and threw it. She threw it as far as she could, and dug her hands into the pockets of his black jacket she was wearing. She felt something velvet, and knew she had brought it. She opened it and put it on. She was dropping hits that she would love to be married to him after graduation, and he had actually did it. He loved her enough to buy her that forever ring. She looked at her finger again, and loved the feeling of it on there. It felt right. It felt like it was always there, rather than weighing down her finger like Evan's did. She would never find Evan's ring again, but she didn't care. It wasn't like Evan paid enough attention to notice what ring she had on, and she liked this one better. It meant that she wasn't actually getting married to Evan, but Ryan instead. Being married to a dead man? She loved the idea. The old saying; Our love is like the wind, you can't see it, b ut you can feel it. Of course, she could never be with him... but she could always feel him. Sometimes she swore she could feel his arms around her instead of Evan's. Sometimes she could feel Ryan's love, rather than Evan's pretend face.

She scooted over, and picked up the hand shovel. She dug her way through some grass that had long grew over the ground, and made a small hole. It wasn't deep, in wasn't long. It was just a very small hole that would hold an envelope. She placed the shovel back down, and took out her printed paper. It was the invitation that she had printed off with his name on it. She read it out loud;

"You're invited to a wedding of Ryan Atwood, son of Sandy and Kristen Cohen, and Marissa Cooper, daughter of Jimmy and Julie Cooper," She had changed the last bit herself, "I know you'll never be able to come to this wedding, but maybe you will in our next life."

She placed it into the hole, and quickly filled it back in. She stood, and looked around for the ring she had found. Like she had predicted, she couldn't find it. Or maybe she didn't want to find it, she wasn't sure. But she left. She left that grave site, and took the long drive waiting ahead of her. Never looking back, but never stop playing with the prefect ring on her finger.

--

It was the day of her wedding. The day she would become Mrs. Evan Hollyberry. She was waiting on her own at the front of the isles. Her father didn't attend, because Evan didn't want him to. He wanted her to be walked down the isle by herself, and she had agreed. She wanted to walk down this isle by herself. She was ending her life at this very moment. She was now going to be committed to someone she disliked. She looked at the girls, and the boys. Evan's sister was the bridesmaid. Evan's brother was the best man. The rest of his friends were the whole wedding party. No one stood there that meant anything to Marissa. Not even Evan himself. She liked it though. She didn't want her family into this. She didn't want the Cohen's into this. They deserved better. Summer was sitting in the front pews, and acting like the best friend she was. Even if she wasn't up here standing being bridesmaid. Summer understood though. She was the only one Marissa had kept in touch with, and by the look on Summer's face when they met up, and Marissa told her she was getting married; Summer knew she wasn't happy. Summer knew that if it was hers and Ryan's wedding, she would have been first pick, but it wasn't the case. The Cohen's understood too. They understood that she wasn't happy with Evan, but said nothing. Everybody from Newport knew that she wouldn't be happy like she was with Ryan, and they didn't try to question it.

She looked at the face of Evan, and seen his chocolate eyes. For a moment, she almost seen Ryan's ocean blue eyes. She wanted so much to see them, but they varnished. They were gone, lost. She started to make her way to the front of the isle, and she fainted. Everything was ruined, but everything wasn't perfect in the first place.

**A/N- So I don't know where this really came from... well... maybe I do, but y'all don't really need to know. Anyways, please review.**


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